Tuesday, 16 August 2011

The Mysterious Kenilworth Balls

For two weeks now Mr Gnarus and I have been touring the extremities of the fair City of Coventry and more particularly the town of Kenilworth and it's fine Castle. Once home to Robert Dudley - favourite to Elizabeth the 1st, Mr Gnarus and I were afforded the rare privilege of rambling it's immense ruinous structure in the evening when all the other visitors had departed. Suffice to say that in the fading light the castle appeared ominous and sombre. Brooding even.

A rare treat and one we shall remember, but one of many in this unusual town. Another was the vast amount of stone balls, each bigger than a man's head (Even bigger than Aunty Gary's head) that decorate many parts of the older settlement of Kenilworth. Many like the ones pictured above serving to decorate the gate posts of otherwise nondescript houses and bungalows. But what are they?

Answers can be sent to the Contributions Secretary or posted in the usual fashion on the comments page. The correct answer will win a signed copy of Aunty Gary's new bestseller, 'Imaginary Books I Have Read' as well as his classic work, 'Favourite Five Bar Gates of Norfolk, Tunstead to West Runton - A Pipe Smokers Guide'.

+Many Coats+

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Location:Chestnut Ave,Kenilworth,United Kingdom


  1. Now look here! I wrote to that Contributions Secretary of yours some 21 years ago now, and I have yet to receive a reply. It is not a capital situation at all. I'm dead you know!

  2. Dear Colonel Hampton

    We of the RSAR can only apologise for the Secratary's tardiness and whilst not excusing him for his laxness in society matters, we feel we must point out that he has no bookshelfs at the present time and as such is prone to getting lost amidst his Laberynthine piles of dusty volumes and other stuff he feels compelled to collect.

  3. Sir Timothy Timpson Esq17 August 2011 at 09:52

    I should say this is a fine example of the ancient game of medieval boule. Not your namby pamby just roll 'em on the grass or chuck 'em in the sand type game but a real man's game of using large balls and seeing if you precisely launch them and to get them to land in certain spots. More points if you make them line up.
    That is certainly a fine prize you are offering, Sir, the Society is truly a generous one. Very commendable, very commendable indeed.
    As a footnote to this comment, it was once told that the Contribution Secretary did engage in some practical archaeology by playing a game of medieval boule but was unfortunately mistaken for one of the designated spots to launch your boule at. Alas a direct hit was scored, 40 points worth - such a magnificent score, and the secretary was instantaneously rendered statuesque like and a monument to the game. Pictures upon request.

  4. My darling Tim. Are we still on for Saturday night? If so just send a telegram and I'll switch the tea urn to on.

    Yours in anticipation, Simeon.

  5. Dear Timothey Timothey. First I must thank you for anecdote re the Contributions Secretary. Not least because it proves him to be a real person. I say this because there are some younger members in the society who quite frankly no longer believe in him, saying instead that he is a myth, akin to Nessie and bigfoot.

    Secondly, I can confirm that the mysterious balls of Kenilworth were once hurled about, but if it was a game, then it was a game of Death. For it was he who had the last laugh and gained the highest score!

    +Many Coats+

  6. Mr dearest Timothey. I must apologise for the extra 'e's in your name, it's just that I still have many of them to use from that cache of ancient 'e's I found in my cottage some years ago.

  7. Sir Timothy Timpson Esq17 August 2011 at 20:28

    My dearest Simeon
    Of course, I should like nothing more than a little boule polishing and a flagon of tea. Will you be providing the shag?

  8. Sir Timothy Timpson Esq17 August 2011 at 20:35

    Mr Many Coats,

    I thank you for your fin commnts and am vry jalous of your cach of ' 's'. As you can s I am dvoid of thm. Any chanc of a fw?

    As to the validity of the Contribution Secretary, I would not dare to vouch that he is real. We all know that Nessie and Bigfoot are of course real, but the mythical creature that is the Contributions Secretary is just a story that is told to frighten the children at bedtime. The story I recounted was, at best, an urban legend and no more.

  9. Tim you darling. The kettles on, your slippers are warming by the fire and I've sent a boy out for the finest shag five shillings can buy. I just hope the little urchin doesn't purloin me chinks and spend it down the gin palace by crikey

  10. Dear Sir Timothy,

    I would very much like to an image of the Contributions Secretary bouled over!

  11. I feel it is time to bring this particular conundrum to an end. The mysterious balls of Kenilworth are Trebuchet shot. Huge stone balls once cast at the castle by the forces of Henry III against the supporters of the now dead Simon de Monfort in 1266. Stone balls weighing up to 300lb that were cast 350 yards over the mere that once surrounded the castle.

    And as no one guessed correctly, the prizes are to be donated to the Proffessor Greenacre home for retired brass rubbers.

  12. Arthur Billington-Grout20 August 2011 at 19:20