Sunday, 14 December 2014
A Pond of Evil Aspect
WARNING: Members of the Ragged Society of Antiquarian Ramblers are the UK's leading Evil Pond experts. It has taken us many years of study and training in order to be able to approach these pits of pure despair safely. Please DO NOT attempt to do this without the requisite training and equipment. Failure to heed our advice could have the most terrible - and terrifying! - consequences.
"Today, I will be looking out for evil ponds Mr. Many Coats."
That was my opening line as I stepped into the Ragged Rambler's van. We had decided that we would be a-roving in north Norfolk and it seemed promising territory for some liquid malevolence. After a considerable drive, we came to a five-ways junction and looked at each other significantly.
"Five is an evil number Munro" said Mr. Many Coats with a strange look in his eye. I nodded. A short while on, we came to a small hamlet and I noted the presence of a cluster of 'For Sale' signs...
"A sure sign that there be liquid evil in these parts" said I. And so it proved.
Less than a mile henceforth, along a long hedge-fringed lane I felt the presence of an inky bleakness. I implored Mr. Many Coats to come to a halt. Disembarking from our vehicle we walked a short way back from whence we had come, and there it was.
As you can see from the image above, we were presented with a category of pond that sends shivers of cold fear down the spine of even the most hardened Evil Pond explorer - an 'Eye of Aunty' pond!
"Stand back Mr. Many Coats! Stand back immediately!" I implored as my companion began to clamber through the bare-limbed twigidge. Fortunately for him Mr. Many Coats listened, and beat a hasty retreat. I explained that it was imperative that we didn't look directly down into the ghastly depths of the water for if we did a most dreadful apparition would appear beneath the surface and we would find ourselves entranced.
"Indeed, Mr. Many Coats, there are reports of curious folk being enticed to enter the waters of an Aunty Pond never to be seen again."
With deliberation and great care we assembled our equipment and using a system of mirrors and an automated camera on a specially constructed extension arm (designed by our very own Thadeus Basil-Snapper the third), we were able to procure some images of the watery surface. We are currently in the process of developing these (digital media cannot capture the ancient badness of an Aunty Pond) and hope to share the shocking results with you soon.
In the meantime, go easy friends and beware those evil ponds.