Tuesday, 28 April 2015

Gadzooks, it's Queen Victoria!

With great expectation, Mr. Many Coats and I cantered into St John the Baptist Church, Stiffkey. At first, we thought we were alone. However, we soon noticed a small figure sitting at the front of the church with their back to us. Hesitantly, we made our way to the chancel and when we turned to look at the person sitting there we were... we were - AMAZED!

There, before us, sat Queen Victoria herself! 

Although we were a little tentative at first, she was actually very approachable and allowed us to photograph her without complaint. We seized upon the opportunity, realising as we did that only this visual evidence would persuade the sceptics that this was really happening.

Queen Victoria talked amiably as she made her way down the nave aisle and, pausing by the font, began to take in the scent of the flowers placed upon it. I was astonished at how short she was - I mean, really tiny!

Having enjoyed the heavenly scent of the blossom she slowly made her way to the porch entrance. All seemed to be going well until Mr. Many Coats - who had been eating boiled eggs all morning - let out a rasping fart from just behind her. If the sound had offended her ears, the stench that followed it was beyond a mere breach of Royal ettiquette. The fact that this was emitted at her head height can only have compounded matters!

"Ever so sorry marm. Just a small tummy shame" said Mr. Many Coats. 

However, the deed was done and it was time for us to leave...


  1. Hoots mon, och aye the noo ma Wee Vicky. Lang may yer lum reek!

    1. Whilst she is a most decorous filly we must please ask you to refrain from such low and guttural pronounciations.