Friday, 23 April 2010

Victory V at Thompson Church


April 15th 2010:
From within the church in Thompson in South-West Norfolk the Antiquarian Food Surveillance Team (AFST), Unit 251, were in place to observe the antiquarians as they sipped their tea and consumed cake. Here is their report:

"Arriving at Thompson church at around 15:04 p.m. two antiquarians were observed assembling a portable stove, on which was placed a small silver kettle. Whilst this took heat, the antiquarian known to us as 'Esotericus' (code 211) was seen to take a large sandwich from his shoulder bag and begin to eat it. Meanwhile the other - as yet unidentified figure - consumed an apple - discarding the core (subsequently retrieved by the Unit) into a nearby hedge. Using our directional microphones we were able to ascertain that they were discussing the possibility that, on their next venture out, they would bring along bacon and a frying pan. The is a potentially 'game-changing' development!

Throughout the years we have been undertaking our study, the antiquarians have never yet cooked food on location. We will be closely monitoring these developments, and this will be noted in this months report to AFST Central Office. 

Current trends would seem to suggest that consumption patterns are changing. Whereas, during last season, there was a marked tendency to imbibe Tunnock bars and Scotch eggs, early evidence would suggest that the antiquarians are moving towards Dundee Cake and pickled eggs. Analysis of samples collected in the wake of their departure,  indicated that the sandwich consumed by Esotericus contained dry cure ham with mustard. A curious ovoid substance which the Unit were unable to identify visually, was subsequently shown to be the discarded remnants of a liquorice-flavoured lozenge, which we now think to be a Victory V. Laboratory analysis revealed that this fragment contained significant traces of ether and chloroform.


Addendum: analysis of the cake crumbs suggested Dundee Cake, but, in terms of our agreed scientific research framework, this would have to be deemed 'inconclusive'"

No comments:

Post a Comment