Saturday, 25 January 2014

No Matter Which City Urine

Please click on the image in order to enlarge it

Quest...
Like all sensible people I have a particular interest in the history of pre-cast concrete toilet buildings. I have researched the subject extensively and have travelled far and wide in search of concrete evidence. My quest has taken me to every continent and, because of her inexplicable lack of interest in this area of research, has even cost my former wife her marriage. 

Oldest...
During all of this I dreamt that one day I would locate the oldest pre-cast concrete toilet in the world. Whilst at this particular juncture I am not prepared to share my full research findings with the wider world, I can reveal that the oldest such toilet is located on St Crispin's Road, Norwich (see image, above), a quaint city in the Eastern part of the United Kingdom. Constructed in 1919, this convenience would have attracted huge queues back in the day. Whereas I had expected there to be some conveniently situated interpretation panel, alack there was nothing. 

Vision...
What on earth are the city authorities thinking of in neglecting such a treasure! I am quite sure many other heritage tourists would travel from far and near to see such lovely and ornate lavatorial architecture. Why, were this located in Canada or the United States I am quite sure that there would be a purpose-built visitor centre staffed by a team of interpretative guides and one of those generic gift shops. It is my sincere hope that such a vision will be realised within my own lifetime...

Emotion...
I am not a man normally prone to outbursts of emotion, but standing before this exquisite artifact I thought of my wife and how she foolish she had been to have missed a moment like this. I found myself flushed and sobbing uncontrollably. I was in a blue funk. Quite frankly, I was dying for a slash; had already dribbled a little - wouldn't you know it, the flippin' thing was boarded up! 

© W.C. Khazi 2014

8 comments:

  1. Here in Georgian Bath, most of the toilets are being sold off to private buyers, and one is actually going to be turned into a wine-tasting room. At last, all those doctored 'To Let' sign jokes are no longer funny.

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    1. Sad that the common realm continues to be privatised, enclosed and commodified Tom. At least Norwich's historic toilet has a passionate and powerful advocate in the person of W.C. Khazi.

      Huzzah!

      Delete
  2. The roof appears to be glass. If it is, and if this wondrous structure were in this country, in addition to the drug advertisement, the glass would be broken.

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    1. In most of Britain the same would be true as well Joanne. The survival of this glass intact is possibly a combination of Norwich's culture of laid back-ness and the fact that it is proximate to a very busy main road.

      Huzzah!

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    2. You forget to mention that there is only one busy main road in Norfolk - the one going in, and the one going out again.

      This is what I love about Norfolk.

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  3. Actual tears. Not sure if they are of laughter, despair, or pain, but you have moved me. Deeply. We need someone to start a blog detailing the facets of various public toilets of this fine city.

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    1. Dear Lucy,

      Toilets have a moving effect on most people. I believe W.C. Khazi is currently working on a study of Norwich's 'necessaries'. If so, we hope to publish excerpts in order to further the public's understanding of this hitherto murky area.

      Huzzah!

      Delete
  4. Ernest Wilbury Doodlecock26 January 2014 at 13:57

    Are you indeed the same WC Khazi mentioned in passing in the solid tome "Church water storage solutions", by Pariah Pump. If then you should be one and the same, I believe that a collaboration should ensue and would generate a massive doing of epic proportions, isn't it?

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