Tuesday, 5 August 2014

A Fossilised Toe


Back in the day, there were long periods when the earth's mean temperature fell dramatically, causing an event we now call The Bone Age. In them days caveman and cavewoman would be wandering in search of... well, caves one assumes. Trekking across the frozen tundra could be hazardous in the extreme, what with all them old bones strewn everywhere and no tea or cake to relax them. It must have been simply awful in the olden days before history, with all of them trip hazards and cakelessness. No risk assessments back then - lol! It is clear then, that, from time to time, caveperson would experience a catastrophic toe-stub. Indeed, at its very worst, this could result in them losing a toe (they were much more brittle back then, as cake makes one supple). 

Members of the Ragged Society of Antiquarian Ramblers have recently discovered one such example of a fossilised toe. We have established that this once belonging to a man searching for a cave (and, subsequently, a toe). It must have snapped off and fallen into a river bed and, over time, transformed into that which you see pictured above. It was discovered in the tiny village of Provenance, in unmapped rural Norfolk. 

Plans are afoot to donate the toe to a museum. Indeed, we are currently in negotiation with the curator of the recently founded Museum of Old Tat, currently located in a shed in suburban Norwich. The curator has already stipulated that this artefact will only be handled by gloves with hands in them. Apparently, one has to be very careful with such objects as they are not fragile at all and can, therefore, lead to complacent handling which, as you will already know, is just a short step from pulverisation via hammers. Not only has the curator already demonstrated an ability to write tiny letters and numbers on objects, their hair is also slightly wild and they can't find their shoes at present. In addition, the curator impressed us with an ability to spell words with 'aeo' in them (eg 'haeostory') - a combination of talents and qualities which, cumulatively, led to an outbreak of approving nodding among the committee membaeors.  

Goodbye. 

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